This past week my friend was having trouble with this one girl. He was so fed up with her that he actually felt a lot of anger building up inside of him (I’ve never seen him angry before xD). He’s not used to getting angry so he doesn’t really understand the emotion too well and so he called me one day to talk about it and perhaps find ways he could express the emotion better. Well, I was a little groggy from training the other night and therefore couldn’t think straight, so I’m not too sure what I said…Haha, but I thought I’d write out my thoughts about this.

Many are afraid to express their anger because at times it tends to bring out the worst in us, especially when it comes to relationships. We each live by a different set of rules when to comes to feeling a certain way. For example, one may believe that the best way to express anger is to be really blunt and boisterous while another may have it that remaining calm and reserved is the best option. These two are total opposites when it comes to expressing their anger and would suffer much difficulty trying to resolve any issues they may have with each other.

Both people need to understand the other person’s perspective and that can be really hard. It all comes down to communication, really. Do you have a sense of why you’re angry? Why the other person did what they did to anger you? Does the other person understand how you feel about how it’s affected you and your relationship with them?

You need to be able to express your anger in a constructive way. Sometimes it may seem like that way would be to cock slap them and shove a rocking chair up their ass, however violence is not the answer. You don’t want to hurt them, but you do want to express your emotion because if you just leave it, it tends to fester and grow until you can no longer rebuild that trust with the person. Anger, like any emotion, when used properly, can lead to creativity. However, when we suppress it, when we don’t have appropriate ways of expressing it, it tends to demotivate us and almost feels as if we’re suppressing our passion, what motivates us, what moves us.

A really effective way to communicate your anger is to write. Write a letter to the person whom you’re angry with about how you’re feeling and keep it for a day or so and then re-read it. I say to keep it for a day because once the anger slowly subsides, we tend to want to edit out bits and pieces and find a less fiery yet effective way to say the same information. You want to be able to communicate how you’re feeling but in a way that the person you’re angry at will hear it.

Another thing is, when we’re angry with someone, what we want to do is to not dismiss what they say. We don’t want to communicate statements like “You can’t feel that way!” or “You never do this or that!”. What you want to do is instead validate whatever the person is saying. Also avoid questions that start with why. The why is not really that important. What’s important is understanding that you’re both feeling a certain way at that moment, and that it’s real for you. Just because you understand it doesn’t mean you have to agree with it, but it helps to move things forward.

Our culture is afraid of anger, mainly because we tend to express it in a negative way. If we’re angry at a woman, we’ll call her a bitch. It’s not uncommon to see a fight break out at a club or cross the street or look away when we’re about to cross paths with someone who seems angered. When we think of this emotion, what usually comes to mind is someone expressing it destructively, negatively. Not many people know how to feel their anger and express it properly.

 Learning how to control and express your anger constructively without letting it eat you can help you lead a much healthier and richer lifestyle.

Over the past few months, a few well known L.A and NY choreographers got a hold of me and asked if I wanted to collab. Of course my answer was “Hell yes!”, but I told them to hold on until sometime next year. I have other things to accomplish in Toronto first before heading off to the States.

I’m really effing excited about my life and where I’m headed. :)

5 Basic Facts About You

• I’m black, yo
• I’m a guy
• I dance
• I hang around Filipinos a lot
• I’m single, yeee

5 Not So Basic Facts About You

• I’m really very picky with girls. My friend thinks that it’s because I got so used to them flirting with me without any effort that I’m just like “Whatever” LOL
• I’m a really social guy. I’m not that type of person that joins a group of new people and is just…there…awkwardly silent.
• I’m French.
• I’m really fit. I’m a huge health nut.
• I really have this thing for girls with curly hair. You know the girls who are mixed with different ethnicities and they have that nice curly hair. So sexy.

5 Ways You Break The Ice

• I will dance
• Say hi
• Talk about the elephant in the room
• Punch them
• Just do something insane

5 Signs That You’re Into Someone

• I honestly cannot answer any of these 5 things. I have no idea…Usually they’re into me.

5 Signs That You’re Not Into Someone

• I just won’t talk to you.
• I won’t touch you
• I’ll keep looking for an exit
• Ignore you
• Walk away

5 Things You Do When You’re Bored

• Dance
• Twitter/Tumblr/Youtube
• Porn Read
• Daydream
• Act out stupid scenarios to myself

5 Things That Make You Hyper

• A hot song
• Party
• Good people with good vibes make me hyper in a sense
• Laugh attacks
• idea’s

5 Things You’re Known For

• My nickname: Coxxy
• my facebook statuses
• You will see me at every hip hop show in the T.Dot
• Fashion sense
• I’m sexy

5 Things You Want To Do

• Travel
• Pursue fashion and dance and be successful in both
• Have a cool family
• Open a Studio
• Inspire

5 Things You’ll Never Do

• Become poor
• Tell someone that they can’t do something
• Stop dancing
• Betray my friends
• put myself second…or last

5 Good Things About You

• I keep to my own.
• I will support you in everything you do. You got my back, I got yours twice as much.
• I’m a jackass? (Apparently that’s a good thing)
• I’m a really open guy.
• I have strong values

5 Bad Things About You

• I can lose interest in something or someone pretty quickly
• I’m assertive, but not enough…apparently
• I usually come off as really nonchalant. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I probably do, I just don’t make a big deal out of a lot of things.
• I’m very very blunt and shallow
• When I’m really excited I can swear like a sailor

5 Ways To Make You Cry

• Punch me in the nose
• Make me laugh really hard!

5 Ways To Win Your Heart

• Be positive and respectful
• Be a dancer
• Have big goals, be ambitious
• Be very attractive
• Independent

5 Things You Need To Say

• 2011, DO IT BIG!! YEYE!!

Just continuing off my previous post…

To make it in the dance industry you HAVE to be able to freestyle. It’s what sets you apart from the rest of the competition. In order to call yourself a dancer in the true sense of the word you have to be able to express the music freely through every single part of your body. People get so used to doing choreography that when they are asked to freestyle they immediately freeze up or make up some sort of excuse as to why they can’t do it at the moment. Choreography is great for performances and learning certain fundamentals or cool new moves to add to your dance vocabulary HOWEVER, choreography is not YOU. Dance is about your expression, your understanding, your experiences, your work, and that’s what people want to see, YOU, at that moment. Not somebody else.

Think of it like this…

 It’s like calling somebody an artist when all they really do is trace off of someone else’s work…It’s still art, but it’s not true art in the sense that it doesn’t reflect or express who they are and their understanding of the world or whatever…they’re just someone who traces. The same thing goes for dance. If you can’t create your own movement, understand and express yourself freely to the music, again, you are not a dancer in the TRUE sense of the word…just someone who dances.

You may disagree and that’s fine, but if you’re trying to make it in the world as a professional dancer then good luck.

Nothing much really happened.Talked about goal setting and about eliminating certain bullshit in our minds.

We have a performance in 8 weeks. Our trainer said to concentrate on 1 or 2 things that we want to MASTER by then. I chose to master facials expressions and making my movements sharper… To create sharper movements however, you have to be able to really feel the music and where the artist is coming from. And if you think about it, I guess that also affects your facial expressions.

So I guess I”ll be studying musicality and expression for the next 8 weeks.

LE’GO!

I learned that to change your life you must change your neuro-associations. Three things must be in place for you to make these changes and count on them to last. They are the three fundamentals of NAC:

1. Get leverage on yourself. To do this, three levels of responsibility are necessary-you must decide the following:

A. Something must change.

B. I must change it.

C. I can change it.

2. Interrupt your current pattern of association. You must scramble the old pattern of thinking and feeling; this is best done by using something unusual, such as making a radical change in what you say or how you move your body.

3. Condition a new, empowering association. Install a new choice, and reinforce it until it is conditioned. Any thought, emotion or behavior that is consistently reinforced will become a habit (a conditioned pattern). Link pleasure to your new choice. Reward yourself emotionally for even small progress, and find yourself developing new patterns quickly.

My Assignment:

1. Ten reasons why I must change now, and why I know I can do it:

- I must be the top choreographer in the world

- I want to be able to say that I’m actually living life to it’s fullest.

- I want to be more confident in myself

- I want to be a person of MASSIVE ACTION

- I want to get over my limiting beliefs

- I want to be able to truly call myself a dancer

- I want to make 200, 000 dollars a year

- I want to overcome fear

- I want to be independent

- I want to be known by all.

I know that I can do this because I’m committed and hungry for adventure.

2. Four or five ways to get myself out of the limiting associations:

- Slap myself every time I try to sabotage myself

- Have my friends call me on my shit

- Become truly hungry

- Be more specific about my goals